God, as we experience Him

If you could be given a magic pen to change the language of any of the Twelve Steps, what would you do?

I heard a talk where the founder of SA (who also wrote the White Book), wistfully suggested some changes he would have made. I thought about it for myself, and concluded that I would only change one word of one step: Step Eleven.

Step Eleven states: “Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God, as we understood Him (praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out”). The term “God as we understood Him” echoes the language in Step Three: “Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God, as we understood Him”.

I would like to argue that while an often theoretical, intellectual or experimental understanding of God is perfectly fine for the sexaholic at Step three, by Step Eleven we should be improving conscious contact with God: “as we EXPERIENCE Him”.

In the first three Steps we admit that we have a problem we are powerless over, and that maybe a Power greater than ourselves can help us. We then make a decision that we are going to stop playing God in our lives. We pursue a process which can supply the power we are lacking, and thereby overcome lust.

In Steps 4 to 10, we discover what is blocking us – what is getting in the way of turning our lives over to our Higher Power. Then we ask for God’s help to remove those blockages; the root causes of our negative behaviors (first and foremost: lust). We do our part to live differently, starting with cleaning up the past, with an eye toward the future. Once those barriers have been removed, we can now access God directly on a daily basis, and get that power we were after.

By Step Eleven we are connected to God, having experienced Him, and seeking more of that power. We are now in a position to actually follow through with that Step Three decision and turn our will and life over to God, one day at time. We should have progressed from an understanding of God to a full-on experience of God and his love and power, which we want to maintain and improve upon for the rest of our lives.

So, for me, at Step Eleven, it better be God as I experience Him. Otherwise my long-term sobriety is in jeopardy. Lust is not something we merely “understand”; it’s an “Experience” (with a capital “E”). If we are going to give up the experiences offered to us by lust, which are real and can be felt in our mind, emotions, and body, then we better have a replacement that can fill that entire void. Our “Real Connection” must be a full experience of a Higher Power – in mind, body and soul. Otherwise, we are certainly setting ourselves up for an inevitable return to lust and acting out. The heart of the addict abhors a vacuum.

So what are some of the things that I have done to help cultivate an experience of a Higher Power by Step Eleven and that I’ve seen help others?

1. Talking to your Higher Power, as you would a real person. Feel His presence as if He were in the room with you. Imagine you are in the presence of someone you love dearly and who you feel loves you. Draw on positive memories and experiences of people in your life, like a loving grandparent or mentor, feeling in your heart the same way you would feel in their presence, creating that same feeling when in conversation with your Higher Power. Share your innermost thoughts, fears, pain, weakness; the things you find it hard to say out loud, but are safe and accepted to share now.

2. Imagine being embraced by your Higher Power, not just intellectually but physically. Imagine receiving a loving and supportive hug from Him. If it helps, wrap your own arms around yourself and give yourself a hug, acting as a physical proxy for your Higher Power. Maybe you would like to imagine your Higher Power’s arm resting on your shoulder or your cheek, or holding your hand. Maybe place your hand on your chest and feel His love radiating into and out from your heart. (Keep it all above the waist, alright)

3. Hand your issues, challenges and struggles over to God. Imagine each matter you feel powerless over, that you cannot change, or are not in control of as an item in your hand. One by one, gently give them over to God. Imagine Him lovingly taking each one from you and unburdening you of it, until you have the strength at some later time to take it back and deal with it. Feel the weight being lifted off you and cast upon the strong, capable shoulders of your Higher Power.

4. Be open to God communicating with you in mysterious ways. Maybe God will speak to you through the words and advice and feedback of others in recovery, like your sponsor or fellows. Maybe in your daily readings of recovery literature there will be some message from God that you need to hear today. Maybe it will be through music and song. Or maybe God will talk to you through your gut-feeling about some action or intuitive decision. Let it be an experiment and adventure. How is my Higher Power going to speak to me today? Keep an open mind and open heart to new experiences, insights and awakenings each day.

5. Take God with you as a Companion and Partner as you go about your day. When walking in the street, He can be walking beside you. He can hold your hand supportively, or wrap his arm around your shoulder as you go about your daily tasks. When in need of strength or support, make sure He is right there, and practice feeling his loving energy and power flow into you as needed when dealing with lust, or just life on life’s terms.

6. Practice gratitude with your Higher Power I don’t mean just in the form of a written gratitude list. Rather, get used to thanking God in the moment as you experience any form of material or emotional goodness. For example, when you feel that pleasant, hot, cleansing water in the shower wash over you, say aloud: “Thank you God for this shower, this is so nice and pleasant. Thank you, you surely love me.” Do the same when eating good food, basking in pleasant weather, laying down in a comfy bed under soft warm blankets, or being in the presence of loving friends and family. Everything can be a gift and expression of God’s love and affection. Really let that goodness in, let it fill your heart and nurture your spirit.

These are some of the daily practices that have led myself and others to a real and ever deepening experience of a Higher Power, finding in God what I was looking for in lust and escape.

Finally, I challenge you to try some of these out for a month and see the profound changes for yourself.

Enjoy finding your Higher Power in every aspect of your life!