Living in Positive Sobriety

What is “positive sobriety”? For me, positive sobriety is focusing on why I want to stay sober, instead of why I don’t want to act out.

Our White Book notes that “Instead of running joyously to heaven, we seem to back away from our hell, one step at a time” (SA p.69). In early sobriety, all I wanted was to get relief from my pain. Unfortunately, once the pain passed, it was very easy to remember the pleasure (real or imagined) of acting-out. And so the book continues: “… often shying away from full slips, some of us think we can allow ourselves partial slips, enjoying the temporary relief they bring.”

To me, this means that if I want to stay sober, I need to find a positive way to do it – in other words, positive sobriety.

Program is simple, not easy. I need motivation to be willing to work this program and not revert to my old self-defeating behaviors.

To begin, I need to feel good about myself and my life. “Not feeling suicidal” won’t do – I need to feel happy, joyous, and free. I do this by focusing on all of the good that working Program has given – and will continue – to give me.

Today in sobriety, I focus on the healthy relationships in my life. They are healthy because I have learned to separate myself from people who bring out the worst in me, and set boundaries with the rest. In this way I can protect myself from being hurt, and then feeling resentful.

I’ve learned how to talk, and how to listen. I’ve learned to be honest with myself and others, and to take responsibility for my actions. This has given me greater self-esteem.

I no longer feel like I need to lie about or justify my actions to anyone. This allows me to focus on solving the problem at hand, instead of trying to justify my behavior, and then blaming others.

I’ve learned that there is such a thing as constructive criticism. When things are said to me, I consider them. Sometimes they apply, and sometimes they don’t. But rather than taking it personally, and then trying to work on forgiveness, I instead remind myself (as things are happening), that everyone has character defects, and if the “shoe doesn’t fit” I don’t have to wear it. I try to figure out the most helpful way to respond, if at all. Then I can move on with my life without any extra baggage weighing me down.

Above all is the fact that I have a Higher Power. I trust my Higher Power. I believe that He loves me and only wants the best for me. I believe that He knows everything and takes it all into account, as He guides my life. While this is not always obvious, I believe it is true. Simply believing it helps me continue on to the next right thing.

I have been given a second chance to truly live life instead of just surviving it.

To me, this is the gift of positive sobriety.